Longing

Gandhi shanti ke liye tarsa,
Zafar do gaj zameen ke liye tarsa;
Majnu pyar ke liye tarsa,
Tomar ek boond paani ke liye tarsa;
Karna izzat ke liye tarsa,
Shakuni badley ke liye tarsa;

Sabke dil mein tha ek sapna
Jiske liye ve sab tarse.

Isliye tu bata ae Singh,
Ki jab ve sab hain tarse,
Toh tu kyun nahi hain tarsa ?!

Halwai ki Dukaan aur Makkhi

Halwai Ki Dukaan-ein (Sweetmeat Shop's) are an integral part of our lives in the Indian Subcontinent. We love sweets and we do a fabulous job in preparing them. The people who do this beautiful task of creating delicacies like the Barfi's, Jalebi's, Laddoo's, e.t.c. are called Halwai's in Indian Lingo. Shops which dish out these beautiful creations, which make our lives sweet, also serve snacks and starters like the Samosa's, Bread Pakora's, Kutchories, e.t.c. These items sell like hot cakes too as they are very much loved by the Indian taste buds.

BUT, this article is not about the beautiful items present in the Halwai Ki Dukaan, this item is not about how the Halwai prepares these delicacies. This article is all about the ancient and time tested relationship between the 'halwai ki dukaan and makkhiyaan' (to put it in refined english - about the hygiene standards, or the lack of it, in a sweet meat shop) ! 

Since the time when Halwai ki dukanein came up in the Indian subcontinent the Makkhiyaan have made it their bastion. Go to any part of India, mind you India is a huge country, wherever you spot a halwai ki dukaan you will spot swarms of makkhi's around.

This is a time tested relationship, in comparison to which the relationships between 'Indian Police and Bribes-Taking', 'Manmaohan Singh and Silence', 'UPA Government and Scams', 'Modi and Attitude' are nothing ! As a halwai would say 'Yeh sab toh abhi aaye hain, matbal police aur rishvat ko chhorh ke, unka rishta bhi kafi purana hain, lekin phir bhi humari dukaan aur makkhiyon ke rishtey se zyada purana nahi !'

Let me share some excerpts of a conversation I had with the Halwai next door -
Me - Aur balwan bhai kaise ho ?
Balwan Halwai - Sab badiya hain bhai ! Aur bataiye kyaa lengein ?
Me - Samosey toh kafi acchey lag rahey hain lekin itni makkhiyan kyun baithi hui hain inke upar ?
Balwan Halwai - Arey inka toh sasuraal hain yeh ! Jab marzi aayein jaayein !
Me - Matlab ? Inse germs phailta hain ?

Balwan Halwai - Arey bhai, yeh sab to jaan pehchaan ki makkhiyan hain, inka toh roz ka aana jana laga rehta hain, aap fikar na karein ! Kuch hua toh yeh yahi pe milengi aake bathiya lena !
Me- Arey samosey aur kutchoriyon ke upar koi kapda daal ke rakha karo !
Balwan Halwai - Accha bhaiya yeh lo (Saying this he starts looking for a cloth, finds a dirty rag which had fallen on the floor and flings it over the food items), Ab khush !
Me - (Tongue - Tied at what he just saw)
Balwan Halwai - Arey ab kyaa hua bhai ? Oh, kapdey ke andar makkhiyan phas gayi hongi yehi soch rahey ho na ! Usey bhi hata deta hun (Saying this he lift's the dirty rag and shoo's away the flies with his hand, revealing his grime filled fingernails)
Me - Sahi kaha aapney ! Yeh inka sasuraal hi hain !
Balwan Halwai - Bilkul ! Aur dekhiye na, jab tak kisi dukaan mein makkhiyan nahi hoti ho tab tak log jaatey hi nahi us dukaan mein, sochtey hain uski dukaan khaali hain, ya phir uske samoson mein tashte nahi hain ! Makkhiyan toh aam janta ka Phood Tashter hain, mano ya na mano !
Me- Matlab jo khana makhiyon ko nahi pasand woh logon ko bhi nahi pasand
Balwan Halwai - Bilkul! ab aap samajh rahey hain humaari baat. Arey vishva mein kahi bhi chalein jao, halwai ka dukaan aur usmey bharti makkhi ka drishya jab bhi aapke saamney aayega aapko bharat ki yaad dilayega (chuckles)
Me - Chalo yaar, chaar samosey hi baandh do
Balwan Halwai - Abhi lo !
Me - Lekin in par makkhiyaan baithi hain unka kyaa ? Ek baar garam tel mein fry kar ke de do ?!

Balwan Halwai - Humra maachis nahi mil raha ! Lekin aap fiqar mat karo, main chaat masala daal deta hun ! Aur agar koi dikkat hui toh yeh bagal mein chemist ki dukaan hai, mera dur ka rishtedaar hain ! Usse pudin hara le lena !
Me - Accha Bhai ! Phir Miltey hain.......

Bhaiya Yeh Note Phata Hua Hain !

There are many things in this world which are so much Indian - be it spicy food, the passion for cricket, diverse cultures, awesome heritage, poor safety record for women (indian and foreign both. Say, this can be another topic to write upon!) e.t.c. But one thing which can also be associated with India are torn paper notes. Be it the orange back (the 10 rs ones), the blue backs (the 100 rs ones), the yellowish-green backs (the 500 rs ones) there can be no guarantee when a torn or taped note would land in your wallet but when it does we indians indulge in our 3rd favourite past time (and we are very good at it, well presumably!)  'The Art of getting Rid of Torn Notes'. Cricket and Movies are the first and second favourite.

While the RBI exchanges torn notes, nobody has the patience and time to go all the way to exchange a torn 10 rs, 5 rs and even a 100 rs note. Although if the torn note is worth 500 (I dont think anyone has the guts to tear or wet a 1000 rs note, or do they ?) then perhaps we might like to find some business near where the RBI is located and get it exchanged or look for a 'Money Changing Agent' who would keep the torn note while returning only half the amount, or perhaps some more,  retaining the rest in the name of commission. So in such cases there is only one option for the aam aadmi (or Mango Man as per a certain Mr Vadra) to do, devise ways as to how to fool/con/sucker someone into accepting the torn note from you.

Keeping the torn notes apart for a second, if you land up with a Fake Note then God help you ! During my days as a manager in a fast food chain I landed up with a fake 1000 rs note and worried for quite a bit of time that the amount would be deducted from my salary until I observed that one of the female attendants in the petrol pump next door was interested in one of my delivery boys. That was the cue I needed. All it took was a warm smile from the boy and the girl agreed to stick the note inside the wad of note's which had to be given to the guy who came with the tanker to supply petrol to that pump. But, not everybody can be that lucky!

But what do we do when we come across a torn 100 rs note or a 10 rs or a 5 rs note ? They do not accidentally slip into the wad of notes given to you by the tradesman or the shopkeeper but are intentionally are kept there to make a fool of you and get themselves rid of that thorn In their cash box. These days another trick employed by us is by saying ''Koi baat nahi, note nahi chala toh hume waapas kar dena'. I say it is a trick is because we all know that we wouldn't return to the shop atleadt until the next couple of weeks, badically giving him time to get rid of the irritant himself and how  else would he do it apart from fooling another hapless person into accepting it. The vicious circle goes on in this way.

There have been numerous time's when I have landed with a torn note and many of times they have managed to infiltrate into my dreams as well. Dreaming that it is 12 pm in the night in a Safe City like Delhi (pun intended, you know it very well that there is no such entity like a safe delhi in this world)  you have 15 bucks in your pocket to buy a bus ticket (while you might be well off but a struggler might have that amount or even lesser, dont ask me!) and the 10 rs note is a torn one!

I have,  just like many other indians, indulged in this pastime of how to sucker the person in front of me into accepting the torn note i had. Whether I  do it by slipping it between a wad of notes while keeping him engrossed in talking so that he doesn't get the oppurtunity to check it OR fold the torn note is a special manner so that I can make a mickey out of the shopkeeper or the bus conductor OR I do it in any other innovative fashion, the creativity is mine. But whenever the idea works and the guy in front of me (or you) accepts the note we heave a sigh of relief just like Manmohan Singh would do whenever he would pick up a newspaper and see that Rahul Baba hasn't dubbed anything else as 'nonsense' in his government. The common words which escape our mouths when we get rid of the notes are 'Chalo Jaan Chhooti' (Good Riddance). The thrill of getting rid  of torn notes is arguably unmatchable. But by now, I believe, we have bevome experts in this 'Art of getting rid of Torn Notes'.

A Letter to Manmohan Singh

To, The Prime Minister
PMO
South Block,
Raisina Hill,
New Delhi

Sub : Your statement yesterday on Air India One (while on your way back from Beijing) that 'Scams ocurred during UPA 1 as well but we came back to power in 2009' and hence history would repeat itself and there would be UPA 3 as well.

Dear Sir,
With respect I must point out to you that your assumption is absolutely wrong! The CWG and the 2G scams were brought to light by the CAG after UPA 2 came to power. Moreover the economy was doing far more better then, than it is doing now. Even Inflation was under control.

But, since 2010, when the economy started to tank and inflation took the 'Highway to Heaven' a sizeable number of voters in the country have been regretting voting you back to power as it sent a wrong message to your corrupt colleagues that corruption and non performance is cool as long as you are secular.

A wise man once said that 'It is OK to speak a LIE as long as we don't start to believe in it ourselves because if we do, we better know that we are heading downhill'

I hope Mr Manmohan Singh that you do not believe in the lie you spoke on Air India One because if you do then Southwards is the only direction you would be  headed to.

I would have liked to culminate this letter with some suggestions for you but you already have Signora Sonia Gandhi, Mr 'Know It All' Jairam Ramesh and Mr 'Motor Mouth' Digvijay Singh (whom I fondly refer to as Diggy Raja) to give you counsel, good or bad it is anyone's guess, so I dont wish to waste your time with giving you good suggestions as in the end you will do what Signora and Rahul Baba feel's is right!

Thank You
Jai Hind
Theek Hain ?

Ambient Music - The Charm behind it !

I am an individual who is Straight Edge by nature. That means I avoid alcohol, smoking and drugs as a matter of choice and pride. So what comes to the rescue of a person who is prone to getting into pressure situations ? It is ambient music. It is a genre of music which is not well known amongst the masses but it has a cult fan following amongst those who know about the music and follow it.

Imagine living in a place with an atmosphere which is a writers nightmare ! What do you do ? You go the ambient way! This genre of music helps prepare an ideal ambience for you to create and conceive ideas. Some of the most popular ambient musicians are Carbon Based Lifeforms, Stellardrone, Sync 24, Aphex Twin, amongst others.
The beauty of this music is that it is created in such a manner that it seeps into each and every pore of your inner being and transport you, mentally and spiritually, to a different place altogether. The music has the ability to make you float in bliss and harmonize your mind. Try listening to Betula Pendula, Reaktion or Abiogenesis to understand me better.

One of the main instruments used to create this music is the TB-303. But not every musician can make this genre of music. Only those musicians who understand the vastness of the universe and realize how much full of mysticism it is, can create this genre of music. Such musicians are hard to come by which is the reason why the Swedish Band Carbon Based Lifeforms is worth its weight in gold. In their own words their aim, while creating this kind of music is 'to combine the earth and space in

Some of the best ambient music you can ever come across is Abiogenesis,  Photosynthesis, Comsat (all by carbon based lifeforms), Ikebana, The Herb Garden (by Strange Zero) and A Moment of Stillness (by Stellardrone) amongst many.

One of the mahy ways to enjoy ambient music is that you have to let go of your thoughts and emotions and realise the reality that you are such a small entity in this vast universe.
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